So I found out this week that an old acquaintance has moved back to my city. [Deep breath]
I'm not quite sure what to think or how to feel. Do I expect a run-in some day in the future? Something tells me it's bound to happen sooner or later. Part of me wants to exert some sense of control and make it happen on my terms, another part of me just wants to act as though I don't care or have a clue that anything is different. The thought crosses my mind since acquiring knowledge of the whereabouts of this individual however, am I being followed or watched? Does this person know my house is up for sale? What else do they know? Maybe they too are anxious about a possible run-in. I think I will constantly be looking over my shoulder... just in case, and yet try not to act phased if I see the familiar stranger somewhere.
Funny that just when you think that you are through with a particular chapter something yanks you back to it.
Just over a month ago I was shocked as incrementally I realized that my tiny patient for the day in NICU was a family member of this individual. I almost passed out when I realized I could run into her parents during the course of the day, but I had no idea that running into the other relative was even a possibility until this past week!
I wonder if that was what prompted Dave's sudden desire to move, sensing that something wasn't right here for us anymore. We had decided to wait until I was finished with school, and maybe even until at least my daughter had graduated. It seems Dave and I are always on a cycle of wanting to move and not wanting to move but, at opposite times. I think we're both ready this time, well, at least I will be as soon as school is done. This world is just too small, something tells me that moving half way across the world wouldn't be far enough. Somehow I don't think I'll ever escape.
What is it about certain people? Are you connected for some strange reason or is it mere coincidence? It is almost as if this cosmic energy is trying to tell us something, I just can't decide if its a warning or fate that just has to interfere with the momentum of moving forward. Maybe this is part of the momentum.
I'm totally battling inside. A similar dichotomy is present as a few years ago, the dilemma of how to deal with this. How I wish I could fix the past or at least come to terms with the present and future when I feel like ignoring it isn't making it go away. I tried that... ignoring.... why didn't it just go away? I just need the tools to deal with this maturely and let it all go, but how?
